Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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