I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
