Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
