We're like a lot better than the average bears
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
