we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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