i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
