The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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