she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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