I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
