my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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