im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
