Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
