chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
