sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
