Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
