your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
