you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
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