i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
