can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
