I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
