Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Randomize
