lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
