Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I lost the right to judge tonight
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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