God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
