jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
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