I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
