I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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