i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Come on in and take your pants off
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