Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
