Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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