So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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