I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
