just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Randomize
