Your mouth is God's brothel.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Can you bring me the toilet please
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
