Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
