New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We are two peas in an std pod
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
