Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
