There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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