you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
