you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
