everyone is single if you try hard enough
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
