I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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