At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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