I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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