Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
