that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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