You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
