dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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