Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
