Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
