you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
