I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
