I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
