his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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