I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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