I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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