how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
